All Apologies
by SouthernBelle95
Summary: You want to scream. You want to punch. You feel raw right now. But instead you simply slump in your seat and turn the radio on. You push everything you're feeling away and tell yourself you'll deal with all of it later. But you won't. *Oneshot*


**A little something I whipped up. Enjoy and please review!**

* * *

You let your foot press down on the gas a little more and smirk when the engine complies. You had just gotten your license and were taking full advantage of it. Your dad had been gracious enough to give you his '67 Impala. It had a few kinks to it but you didn't care. It was your baby.

You look over beside you. She was sitting with a foot on the dash and an arm out the window.

Julie Tinsley. Your flavor of the week. You weren't too thrilled when your dad had dragged you to Georgia to check out some mysterious disappearances. You knew it meant sitting in a crappy motel in a small town that probably didn't have jack squat in it to do. Then you happened to lay eyes on Julie when your dad had sent you to the gas station to get some milk. Her tanned long legs and long brown hair caught your eye immediately. She had looked over at you with big blue eyes and you knew she was trouble and that she'd be worth it.

She catches you looking at her and gives you that smile that makes her look even more beautiful.

"See something you like, Winchester?"

"Oh yeah." You wink at her and turn back to the road.

"You know" You see her take her foot off the dash and scoot a little closer to you. "There's a field a little up the road that's just beautiful this time of the day. It'd be a shame for you to leave town without seeing it."

You smirk again. You weren't dumb. You know that was a subtle way of her saying 'park somewhere where we can neck'. You gladly were up for it. Deep down you were nervous though. Sure you had made out with quite a few girls; you'd even gone a little further. But you had never gone all the way. You never told any of the girls that. And you sure as hell weren't going to tell Julie.

"A little sightseeing wouldn't hurt I guess. Just tell me where to steer." You try to sound casual and look at her to make sure she didn't think any different. She just looks at you with a little smirk of her own.

* * *

"Take a right here."

"Here?"

"Yea."

You turn into a gravel road with a rundown store beside it. At first it was just a few patches of trees until you got around a big curve. Then you saw it. A huge field of perfect green grass that looked like it stretched on for miles. There was a pond not far off that was glowing from the low set sun's rays.

You park and turn off the car. Julie gets out without saying a word and starts walking toward a patch of grass that was being shaded by big oak tree. You get out slowly and have to jog to catch up to her. You wrap your arms around her and swing her last few steps to the tree. She giggles and turns around quick to face you.

You look at her face. Those big blue eyes were twinkling and those full lips had formed into a perfect smile. You keep looking at those lips for a few extra seconds feeling a strong urge to kiss them. But you weren't, not now at least. You wanted her to make the first move.

She pulls away from you and sits at the base of the tree. You sit beside her and look out at the field.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" she whispers.

"Yep." And you weren't just saying it to get a few extra points. It really was. It was just a field. It was horribly boring compared to the other places you'd been and seen. But something about it made it high up on your list of favorite places you'd been.

For a minute you were mad. Mad at your dad. Mad at your dad for moving you all over the place. For most of your life you had been dragged from state to state, city to city. You'd never had any friends. Never felt at home. You wish you had what you saw other kids had. A home. The security of knowing where you'd lay your head down every night.

And then it was gone. You looked over at Julie. She was still looking out at the field. She finally turned to you and smiled again. God you loved that smile.

Before you knew it you had leaned down to kiss her. You knew it wasn't your usual thing. Your game plan was to let them make the first move. Play like you weren't interested. But you let yourself go on this one.

You feel her hand grab your hair. Your hand wraps around her waist and pulls her in closer. She quickly gets up and straddles you. You let your hands go up her shirt and around her waist.

This was it. You know it when she starts unbuckling your belt. You had almost cringed a little when she unbuttons your pants. Almost. You weren't telling her any different than what she assumed.

You were nervous as hell. Your hands were almost to the point of shaking. But a few quick breaths and clearing your mind helped.

This felt so natural. Bobby had told you when it did happen it should feel natural. This did. This was happening. You cleared your mind and just go with the flow.

She walks up the last of the stairs and turns around to face you. She smiles at you and grabs your arm to pull you closer to you. You don't kiss. Instead you wrap your arms around her draw her to you. Normal you would be completely different. Hugging? Not in a million years. But you don't act like yourself when you're around her.

"Look, Julie." You start. She pulls back and looks up at you. The porch light catches her eyes and they sparkle. "I don't know when I'm leaving."

"I know. You told me." She smiles and tries pulling you down for a kiss.

"No." I pull back and look at her. "I mean when I do leave. It's going to be sudden. There probably won't be time for goodbyes."

She looks at me and the smile leaves her face. "What does your dad do again?"

"He's a salesman. He can tell quickly if his products will sell good in towns. If he sees that something won't sell he's quick to leave." You want to slap yourself. You'd come up with some bad ones in your time but that was the topper.

You can look at her and tell she doesn't completely believe it. You feel a tug of guilt. She finally nods and leans into you again.

"Promise me you'll write me. You know my address."

"Ok. I will." But you know you won't. You can't.

You lean in and kiss her before any more lies can be told. You feel god awful. You hated doing this. It had hurt before but not this much.

You pull back and look at her before quickly going down the stairs and heading for your car. You get in and crank the impala and put it in drive before looking back at her. You could swear you saw crying and quickly gassed it.

You were mad again. At your dad. You felt like dirt right now and it was all your dads fault. You kept telling yourself you were going to pull up at the motel you were staying at and tell him off. Let all of your anger out at him once and for all.

The neon motel sign comes quicker than you thought and you pull up beside your dads black truck. You don't see until you get out that your dads walking from the mangers office and Sammy is in the passenger side of the truck.

"Dean." Your dad's sharp voice hits you and you face him ready to let it all spill out. "Get back in the car. We're leaving now."

And then all the anger is gone again. It all washes away. You couldn't fight it. You were conditioned to always follow an order. Always. You cannot disobey an order. Never.

Before you know it you're leaving down. Your dads truck in front of you and you're bringing up the back. You want to scream. You want to punch. You feel raw right now. But instead you simply slump in your seat and turn the radio on. You push everything you're feeling away and tell yourself you'll deal with all of it later.

But you know you won't.


End file.
